Viewpoint (From Stroud News and Journal)

Viewpoint

COMPUTERS, don't you just hate them.

It was once said by someone far wittier than me that to err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer, and I couldn't agree more.

As your new news editor at the SNJ, I have spent this week aquatinting myself with the workings of the IT system that is responsible for bringing out your favorite local paper every week.

How have we been getting on? Well we got off to a good start.

We were introduced, exchanged pleasantries, made small talk, and initially got on fine, but then things began to turn sour.

I just hate the way it speaks to me in this awful patronizing tone. "It has been unable to complete the task because an error occurred at 111.264.83."

Well that clears everything up.

Why why why can't you just talk like a human being. I hope you're reading this you swine.

I'd rather it said "It has been unable to complete the task because you are a pea-brained ponce with the IQ of a hemorrhoid who is unable to grasp the very basics of computer literacy now get lost before I chin you."

It has also recently accused me of a criminal offence, and I am considering a libel action.

Okay I may have pressed a few wrong keys, but to say I performed an illegal operation, well that's a clear case of defamation in my book.

Technical problems aside, it's been a great start in Stroud. I've already met a few of the great and good, and look forward to making more contacts.

It's a great news area, where people are prepared to get involved in local issues and stand up for what they believe in.

Where else would weekend shoppers come across someone locked in a cage on behalf of Amnesty International?

Just one thing, if I do meet you, don't mention the computer.