Farewells to be remembered (From Stroud News and Journal)

Farewells to be remembered

Most of us would rather think about life than spend time contemplating how we want to be buried. However, a new Stroud company believes it is important to ask friends and relatives what kind of funeral they would like. They even have a brochure so loved-ones can choose their own coffin. Tamsin Treverton Jones reports.

IT was Benjamin Franklin who said that nothing in this world was certain except death and taxes.

But even though it is inevitable, death is not something we like to think about. Rarely do we plan our own funerals, and a recent survey showed many of us regretted not having known what a friend or relative had wanted for their burial.

The founders of a new Stroud business - the Family Tree Funeral Company - would like that to change.

In a move away from the traditional hearse and flowers, they are offering greater personal involvement and wider choice in creating the right funeral.

After years of experience in counselling bereaved children at Gloucestershire charity Winston's Wish, Joanna McAndrews, co-founder of Family Tree, became convinced of the need for a fresh approach.

"The more involved a family, and particularly the children can be in planning a funeral, the more healthy it is for their recovery in the difficult times ahead", she said.

"If they have had the freedom to choose the venue, the readings, the music, then they are aware that they have done the very best they could for their loved one."

Her business partner James Showers agrees.

"It can be very simple to make a service special," he said.

"For example, picking flowers from granny's garden instead of ordering a huge bunch of lilies from the florist, or enabling family members to carry her coffin, can help with the sense of loss and sadness."

Even these small details, however, can often be overlooked in the traumatic time immediately after a death.

Traditionally, the funeral director takes charge, leaving the family free to mourn and the choice of everything from newspaper announcements to the service itself is arranged on their behalf.

Joanna and James acknowledge that there will always be a place for this type of service, but their own experiences have taught them that the whole process can be more heartfelt and less institutional.

It is this forward thinking approach to traditional services that they offer. A carpenter and joiner by trade, James ran his own garden company for many years, and believes the connection between carpenters, builders and funeral directors is a traditional one.

He has spent the last 18 months training to be a funeral director, working as a hearse driver and pallbearer with a company in Cheltenham.

In addition to her experience of supporting children and families at Winston's Wish, Joanna also teaches bereavement counsellors and other professionals.

She is softly spoken and articulate and, like James, warm and approachable. They make a good team.

The pair are keenly aware that not all people want a religious dimension to their funeral service.

Just as it is now possible to be married while skydiving or to conduct the wedding ceremony in a garden or on the beach, Family Tree can offer the same opportunities for choice and individuality and are as happy arranging a humanist funeral service as they are a traditional Church of England one.

Alongside basic funerals and cremations, the company also hopes to increase awareness of natural woodland or so-called green burials.

It may surprise you to know that Stroud District Council is the proud owner of a green burial site in Brimscombe.

George Damsell, who is responsible for maintaining cemeteries, tells me that Stroud was one of the first authorities in the country to offer this type of burial about eight years ago.

Requests for plots are rare - maybe three or four a year - with some people reserving in advance.

"Green burials are more expensive than traditional ones," he tells me, "because they use more land.

"It's about space management. People often like to plant a tree once the body has been interred and we must allow more space for its growth.

"We offer people a choice of indigenous trees such as wild cherry, rowan, field maple, hawthorn or birch and we guarantee to maintain the tree and the land around it"

A green burial can be arranged directly through the council or with the help of a funeral director such as Family Tree, which is based at the Old Painswick Inn in Gloucester Street.

Besides Brimscombe, there are similar sites near Worcester, Oxford and Bristol.

James and Joanna would like to see more.

"Unlike in the US, where there are no natural burial grounds and absolutely no 'own land' burials, here we are fortunate to be able to bury people in natural surroundings and believe that demand may well increase.

"Many churches still have glebe meadows, which would be suitable and farmers can, and do, give land for burial sites."

The range of biodegradable coffins - an essential component of the green burial - is astonishing.

Joanna gets the brochures out: you can choose between cardboard, bamboo, or willow, or there is the ecopod.

This curvaceous, Egyptian-style coffin is made out of recycled, compressed cardboard, is available in a wide range of colours - pink, red, blue, even gold leaf, and can be lined with any material from simple linen to feathers.

It seems strange to be browsing through a brochure like this, and I even make myself a little wish list, but I realise that this is partly what Family Tree is about.

"Death is part of life," said Joanna.

"In other countries, such as Mexico, there is a totally different attitude to death and their Day of the Dead in October is a national holiday and a chance to have a big party.

"They celebrate the lives of dead relatives, cook their favourite meals, sing songs and tell stories to keep the memory of them alive."

Thinking in advance about one's own death doesn't seem quite so morbid after all.

And Joanna and James hope to encourage more people to think like this through workshops, conferences and other events.

"The time is right", said James. "Our generation is more willing to face up to death and give someone a good send off. How great to be able to say - we did her proud, she would have loved it."

Family Tree can be contacted on 01453 767769 or via their website at www.familytreefunerals.co.uk