Difficulties faced by gay man (From Stroud News and Journal)

Difficulties faced by gay man

Following our report last week about a new gay support group in the Five Valleys we were contacted by former Stroud resident Stephen May. Although he now lives in San Francisco, Stephen, who is gay, is still an avid SNJ reader. He contacted us to welcome the new group and tell his story of growing up in Stroud. Stephen still dreams of moving back to the area one day - but only if he can be accepted for who he is.

"I KNEW I liked boys at the same age most people start fancying members of the opposite sex.

It was 1971, my first year of high school, and I was 11. The feeling I had terrified me, like so many other gay people in those days.

The only role models I had were on TV - like Mr Humphries and Danny La Rue - or in the movies.

They gave me the impression that I was going to spend my entire life either being laughed at or beaten up before committing suicide.

I lived on a tough council estate and attended an all boys school. Fear and anxiety were constants in every hour of every day.

When I was 18 I finally mustered up the courage to seek out people like me.

This was no easy task in Stroud in the mid-1970s.

I would go to pubs in Stroud and Gloucester with friends to try and have some fun.

But for me, being in those places felt like walking a tightrope across a pit of crocodiles.

I would get pushed, punched, kicked and even spat at whenever I went into the bathroom just for being who I was.

I left Stroud for the first time at 21 and moved to London, where I knew I would find more people like me.

After only one summer I realised that life in The Smoke was not for me - it was too intimidating for this country boy so I moved back to Stroud briefly.

It didn't take me long to realise that if I wanted to be happy and be myself I couldn't stay in Stroud, so I moved away again.

I am now 47 and have not lived in Stroud since I was 23.

I live in San Francisco, where, in some parts of the city, it's actually okay for two people of the same gender to be affectionate with each other in public - just like opposite gender couples, who have that freedom wherever they happen to be.

Even after 24 years away from home, I still miss Stroud and I miss my family terribly.

But I have a good life here so I have chosen to stay.

However, I know for sure that if I had been accepted for who I was - that's accepted not tolerated - I would still be living in the beautiful Cotswolds.

Maybe one day I'll have the courage to return and live out the rest of my life, complete with my husband of the last 12 years, in an open and accepting town.

Do you think I'll ever be able to do that?"

Stephen can be contacted on steevmaytranscription@yahoo.com

* Gay Glos is organising monthly meetings in the Stroud area. The location will vary and can be found by calling the Gay Glos helpline on 01452 306800 between 7.30pm and 10pm Monday to Friday or by emailing help@gayglos.org.

* We are interested to hear whether readers think Stephen and his partner would find Stroud accepting enough to live here. Write to the usual address.