THE health commentators all say that to be apple-shaped – bigger round the tummy than the bust or hips – is the worst possible shape to be.

Carrying weight in this way can lead to a raft of health issues apparently, including heart problems and Type 2 diabetes.

I was contemplating my distinctly apple-shaped torso the other day and concluding sadly that I really ought to be doing something about it before it’s too late.

I’ve already had a very depressing eye test this month, which showed that my chronic short-sightedness has now been joined by increasingly severe long-sightedness.

I feel they should cancel each other but no, it just means I need varifocals with the weirdest prescription ever.

So I should be looking after the bits of my body that I can do something about.

Fewer calories and a bit more gentle exercise were on the cards but joining a gym definitely was not.

So I was rather surprised when I was checking my bank account online to discover that someone had set up a direct debit for a gym membership.

I called the bank to point out that the direct debit wasn’t mine, and that the gym group in question only runs gyms in London and the north of England (which is anywhere above Birmingham for a Gloucestershire country girl like me).

Ah, said the bank, probably just an error. 

Whoever set it up probably used the wrong bank sort code or something similar.

I do hope that is the case and that my bank account hasn’t been hacked. 

This would be a real nuisance for me, and highly disappointing for the cyber thieves since my eclectic career choices mean that I am permanently broke.

So broke, in fact, that the gym membership direct debit was returned unpaid as there was no money in the account, which was ironic and very funny until the bank levied a charge.

They have promised to give it back.

Sadly, I have been so distracted by sorting out the problem and closely monitoring the account for any further suspicious activity that I forgot I was supposed to be on a diet.

Perhaps I should join a gym, after all but I think the bank would now view any such direct debit with deep suspicion.