Column by Penny Newton-Hurley
EVERY January, many of us make New Year’s resolutions with genuine hope. And yet, by February, most have quietly slipped away.
The problem is not motivation. It is not willpower either. Resolutions are not really about what you resolve to do, but whether you have the resilience and sticking power to carry on and finish what you started.
So, how do we make - and keep - resolutions that truly support us?
Here are five gentle but powerful tips.
- Are you making the right resolution?
Reducing drinking, going for a run every morning, looking for a new job, spending more time with the children - these are actions, not needs.
In non-violent communication, we understand that everything we do is an attempt to meet a need.
Ask yourself what you are really trying to achieve. Is it happiness, peace of mind, joy, adventure, fun, or purpose?
When a resolution meets a genuine need, it is far more likely to last.
- Make it doable
Good intentions matter, but feasibility does too.
How will this fit into your real life?
What might need adjusting to make space for it? Planning in small, realistic steps sets you up to succeed.
- Imagine how you want to feel
How will you feel when you keep this resolution?
Content? Relieved? Energised?
Imagining how your future self feels gives meaning to the effort and helps your brain stay focused.
- Build resilience, not perfection
Missing one day does not mean failure.
Resilience is about accepting where you are, taking stock, and continuing nevertheless.
- Be kind to yourself
We give ourselves very little empathy.
Thank yourself for your intention, notice your effort, and listen to the feelings that point to unmet needs.
From there, you can choose your next step with clarity and care.
Small, compassionate changes are often the ones that last.
About Penny Newton-Hurley
See: https://foryou.commpassion.co.uk.
Penny Newton-Hurley is an Oakridge-based communication consultant, mediator, and trainer.
She trained under American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in non-violent communication and has delivered training for central government, Lloyds Bank and the Ministry of Defence.
She runs online courses through CommPassion.
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